Tuesday, March 13, 2007

My Life Monday - The Me not many people know

Although I assigned this topic and had time to do it yesterday, it's been a hard topic to complete. I feel I show all sides to myself on here for the most part, so I wonder, what part can I share with you that may be different and unique. I'm actually hoping in the process of typing, I'll come up with something new!

I often feel there are two parts of me. There is the confident, sure of herself, intelligent, and fun teacher/mom/wife combination. In those capacities of teacher, wife, and mother, I'm pretty sure of myself. I'm confident, vibrant, talkative, and have tons of fun with my students, husband, and son. I think this is who I really am and it's who I want to portray most to other people. This is the way I am at home and at work, as well as on the Internet for the most part.

But with others, especially those I don't know well, I turn insecure and shy. I have a hard time talking and feel socially awkward and unsure of how I come across. For this reason, I feel I don't have many in real life friends and have a hard time making them because I'm sure I come across as an idiot. I have a hard time talking to those I perceive as better than me in some way - prettier, smarter, craftier, more fertile, etc. etc. etc, which is quite a few people. Hence, I find myself feeling shy and alone in groups where I should be comfortable, like church and my neighborhood. Most of my real friends (outside of work friends) are online friends. Is that pathetic of me?

So I guess the side of me that not many people know is the second for the Internet world. I can talk easily on here because hey, I've not met most of you and you don't intimidate me (as much)! But to the real life people, the first side is the one not many people know because the second side dominates. I really want to let the first side show through more, so I am working on that. I don't want to be the socially awkward, insecure person forever. Any tips on how to get over that?

Next week's topic - An Embarrassing experience. Make us laugh! Share some of the embarrassing things that have happened to you!

Also, please share any ideas you have for future topics. I have a few some of you have given me, but I'd love more.


Lee said...

WOW Rachelle, I would have never guessed. I guess that is why it was something you didn't know about someone. Thanks for doing MLM! I love it! You are freaking awesome.

Jessica said...

that is so interesting how you described the insecure you, because that is exactly how i feel around people that i don't know very well, or that i'm just meeting. i can ESPECIALLY relate to this line "i have a hard time talking to those I perceive as better than me in some way - prettier, smarter, craftier, more fertile, etc. etc. etc."

for me i know it just takes time until i feel more comfortable and then i'm able to relax and realize that everyone has insecurities. unfortunately it usually takes me about a year of being in a place (like a ward) before i finally feel like i make any headway and have a group of people i consider friends.

i think praying for help in this regard is a tip that i'd give you. and sorry this is so long!

Dawnyel said...

Blogger just ate my comment...I'm so frustrated!! :P
I wanted to tell you that I feel the SAME WAY!
In fact, the thing that helps me overcome that insecurity when I meet new people is knowing that they feel the same way. WE ALL feel that way, but knowing, at least for me, helps me to reach out and make friends faster! :)

Maine Mom said...

I have a hard time in social situations as well. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one.

Kelly said...

I am just now, Wednesday, opening up my google reader and realized I never completed this post. I'm glad you did! I think we're all a little shy in real life. That's what makes us good and consistent bloggers. It's our outlet!

Carrie said...

I am totally the same way! Stick me up in front of 300 teenagers and I'll have them all laughing and playing some silly game and thinking I'm the coolest lady ever. Stick me in front of three stay-at-home moms with skinny little bodies and I clam up and can't think of three words tthat go to gether.

tundrachica said...

I agree with Carrie. I'm good with a crowd that know are more interested in me as a person than what the exterior shows.
My advice to get past the shyness is to find yourself in a really crappy situation where people who you thought were friends and foes become one force and begin to share all the details of your life with co-workers in an embellished way that causes defamation to your character and position you hold with your supervisor. Yep...that's what got me over my shyness...someone treating me like poo for the last time. ;)

OH, by the way, I randomly picked your blog and decided to stop in for a quick visit.

FrogLegs said...

I don't think it makes you pathetic.. I think it gives great lov eto blogging. I feel much teh same. I feel so "alone" here-- but I love my blog friends... and there are so many I know that we'd be instant friends... :) Because. "they get it." Ya know? Of course you do!

Topics--- I need to get back to doing this, and I'll think of some topics. :)

Charo said...

Well said.