Friday, April 28, 2006
Today is a bunch of random thoughts shamelessly telling you how wonderful I am. Or other random things.
1. I'm doing what I call "The Toddler Diet" in addition to WW. I eat the same things Camden eats. Just like I obsessively have Camden eat a fruit and veggie with each meal (except no veggie for breakfast), I am doing the same thing. It helps me to feel full and I like it. I've also gone walking the past three nights. I'm feeling really good these days. *Pat myself on the back*
2. I TURNED DOWN A DONUT! I did! Somebody came to my classroom offering me a donut earlier this morning and I said no. I am so impressed with myself right now.
3. My husband is wonderful. The man puts up with me and loves me in spite of all my many flaws. He writes posts like this that make me feel good. I got lucky when I got him.
4. Blogging buddies - what would you think about doing some sort of "About Me" topic each week where we write autobiographical stuff about ourselves? Like the story of how we met dh, or a topic of something from childhood, or something like that. I'd love to learn more about you and "the story of your life" in your blogs. If you are interested, let me know. If not, I may just do it on my own.
5. I used a lot of quotations in this post. Just "for fun."
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Once Camden became capable of laughing, we discovered his twisted sense of humor. Inducing laughter in the boy was not easy. We had to employ various humiliating techniques to get him to laugh and what worked one day (or even one hour ago) would not work the next time. One time Mark had to repeatedly beat himself over the head with a book. Another time we had to fall off the bed again and again. Yet another time, he would only laugh at extreme imitation farting noises. But these times of laughter were few and far between. At times we felt it would take an act of Congress to get Cam to laugh. He was a happy boy, smiling all the time, bouncing up and down when excited, squealing with delight, but he would not laugh. When he did laugh, we would both race to watch, thrilled to hear the sound once again!
Now that he is getting older, Camden does laugh more freely and at more things. But in the past few weeks it has become perfectly clear that his sense of humor still has some quirks. For example, during the big birthday bash, we had Mark's sister stay at our house, along with her husband and her 6 month old baby. She was feeding A. (the baby) and Camden had to come watch. A. spit up all over the place after a few bite and Cam laughed hysterically. The other day Tai Beaux, our dog, was hacking on something and Cam laughed at that too. The sound a squeeze bottle of ketchup made caused belly laughs from Cam again and again.
But yesterday? Yesterday showed me how far gone he really is. Cam was pinching me, hard. Telling him "no" or "stop" caused him to smile because he was trying to gauge my reaction and see if I really meant what I said. Which I did. He did it a few more times and I decided that the next time he pinched me, I would say "Ouch" really loud in hopes the noise would startle him and help him realize I was serious, much like I did the few times he bit me during breastfeeding. So he pinched me and I said "Ouch" really loud. What did he do? Look at me and start laughing. In that laugh, it was over. I started laughing too. So much for my discipline techniques.
Can you imagine what he'll find funny as he gets older? I love his laugh. More than that, I love his unique sense of humor. Thus far, it never fails to take me by surprise.
Monday, April 24, 2006
When I did Weight Watchers for the first time two years ago, I lost weight quickly. I lost about 8 pounds in the first three weeks. I expected that to happen again this time. And it's not! I'm not sure if it is because I had a baby, because I am now 30, or because my body just hates me. But I'm not giving up. I resolve to do even better this week. I need to do this. I need this weight off.
So, my blogtastic buddies, share your best weight loss secrets with me today.
Friday, April 21, 2006
1. I have a habit of making fun of baby names. When our local paper comes with the latest list of baby names, I go through and pull out the weird ones. Being a teacher, I have rules for naming a child (should be spelled normal, not a made up name, etc). Many people out in redneck land give their children weird names. I mean really weird! And so I go through the paper and make fun of those awful names, telling them how sorry I am that their parents gave them that name. Maybe it's mean, but there are a lot of bad baby names out there! The worst one I read lately? Chasen. Not so bad as a first name. I don't love it, but it doesn't suck. But the middle name? Danger. Yes, this child is named Chasen Danger. That's just mean!
2. I have really weird food dislikes I discussed here. Besides those ones (which in many eyes makes me weird enough), I didn't much like chocolate until I was pregnant. I could eat small amounts of chocolate, but I never craved it. Then the third trimester of pregnancy hit and chocolate became my craving. Now I crave it on a regular basis. I don't like white chocolate, but then we know white chocolate is not really chocolate. I'm also weird when it comes to hotdog type things (which are a little wrong in and of themselves). I will eat mustard only on a regular hotdog, but ketchup only on a corn dog.
3. I talk really super fast. We're talking auctioneer fast. When I get excited or tired or have a lot to say (which is almost all the time), I speed up and talk a mile a minute. One of my biggest complaints from students is that I talk too fast. And it's true. I always have - since I was a young girl. My friends, parents, and husband are use to it. They say as long as they catch every third word I say, they can get the gist of the conversation. I amaze people when they hear me go so fast. A kid in high school used to like to time me to see how fast it would take me to say a prepared paragraph or something. This talent is useful in church. A 20 minute prepared talk will last 10 minutes or less under pressure, getting the congregation out of there faster. On a semi-related note, since this often happens when I am tired, my husband knows to get me to bed by 11 pm or what he calls the "Babble-on" will start and he'll be up for hours listening to me talk nonstop for hours about nothing in particular.
4. I obsess over certain things. Really obsess - especially if it is something I am working on at the time. For example, when I am charting for fertility and I am in the 2ww, I will obsessively take my temperature ten times a day or more to see if my temperature is dropping. I know, I know - only the first wake up temperature is accurate, but I do it anyway so I can predict the start of af. With trying to lose weight, I have been obsessively weighing myself six or more times a day to see if I am losing. I had to ask Mark to hide the scale from me yesterday because it is so bad. I've been weighing myself when I wake up, when I get out of the shower, after I get dressed, etc. Mark is only going to bring the scale out once a week. I do this with many things. Ask me to research something and you will get more information than you could ever want or need.
5. I am also obsessive with certain things Camden related. Besides dressing him in the perfect outfit, I worry over little things all the time. I'm not obsessive about keeping his pacifier clean, but I will obsess over how much he ate, how wet his diapers are, his routines, etc. I am very dedicated to making sure Cam gets his naps and goes to bed on time each night. I can freak out a bit when he is off schedule. I make sure he gets at least five fruits and veggies a day. The other day we took him out for his first fast food meal. He had a hamburger, mandarin oranges, and some of my beans from my taco salad. But inside I was freaking out because he didn't have a vegetable with lunch. I had to keep telling myself it was ok if he didn't have a vegetable with his lunch this one day.
6. Mark calls my mind a percolator because he says it never shuts down or shuts up (just like my talking). Things bubble around in it until out pops some random thought that catches him off guard. Yesterday I was getting ready for school and I started asking my most recent weird thought. I asked him what if his son (my stepson) K who is a type 1 diabetic ever needed a kidney transplant (it can happen with diabetics) and Cam was the only perfect match. And say Camden was young, like under eight, and the ex insisted we use Camden. What would Mark do? Mark knows to take my weird thoughts seriously, so he thought about it, and then pointed out there was a 13 year age difference between K and Camden and so it would never happen at a young age because Camden's kidney's would be too small. But I think random thoughts like this all the time - hypothetical situations that have about no chance of happening. I can come up with some doozies in that percolator mind of mine.
7. Yeah, I know it is supposed to be only 6, but this one came to me as well, so it's a bonus. I stress and worry constantly. As you can tell with numbers 4, 5, and 6, I worry and obsess a lot. Mark says if I had nothing to worry about, I would worry about not worrying. And he's probably right. I think way too much and then stress or worry too much about random, unusual things all the time. Like what if Camden caught the avian flu. Or what if the sky really did fall.
So there you go - weird things about me. Do you still think I am semi normal? Or should I be committed to an institution? An institution might be a nice break from work. Hmmm . . . .
People I tag:
My husband because I know he's weird!
Emily - She's got to have some great hidden weirdness!
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
And then the miracle occurred. I remember vividly finding out I was finally pregnant. We were on our 10th round of Clomid. We knew after this round, our third in a row after a long break, would mean another break so my body could rest. We had discussed how far we were willing to pursue this fertility treatment journey before we stopped completely and this 10th round was very close to that final stopping point. I had been charting and it looked like, once again, the medicines had failed me and I had not ovulated. I kept temping so I could show my fertility specialist in Salt Lake and something strange happened. A few days after I expected it, fertility friend drew crosshairs on my chart, indicating ovulation. I was pleased with that, but fully expected to not be pregnant again. But my chart did something it never had before. The temps kept going up every single day. By point 1 degrees (.1), my temp increased day after day. Finally, with no drop in sight, we decided to test at 12 days past ovulation.
At 3 am, I was in the bathroom testing. A line so faint as to barely be there appeared on the test. Not believing it, and not even sure what it meant, we used the second test. Another line appeared. But the faintness caused us to doubt the realness. After so much disappointment, it was hard to believe this could finally happen. The next morning found me on the phone to my fertility specialist who ordered a blood test. The hour and half waiting for those test results were some of the longest of my life. So many hopes and dreams were tied up in that waiting. And then the phone rang with the news. Positive. I started crying immediately. I called Mark at work and told him, and then I dropped to my knees and prayed, thanking my Heavenly Father for working a miracle. Asking for another miracle – that this pregnancy would continue and our baby would arrive safely.
The Lord answered that prayer as well. My pregnancy was mostly uneventful. I lived in fear of a miscarriage, of early delivery, of something going seriously wrong, but the Lord carried me and our baby through. Although I had the discomforts of pregnancy, the nausea, the tiredness, the peeing every few hours all night long, I thanked the Lord each day for my miracle, for being pregnant. I rarely complained and actually loved being pregnant. It was a joy to be pregnant. I gloried in my expanding body and growing baby.
Near the end, I thought I would be pregnant until I was 90. I walked around at 3 centimeters dilated and partly effaced for over three weeks. I had weekly non stress tests because of slightly high blood pressure, but Cam was perfectly happy inside. On Monday, April 18, 2005, I had my weekly doctor appointment and another stress test. Everything was the same as weeks before and the doctor and I discussed induction. This is an email I sent to a friend that night:
I am feeling good, but ready to have this baby. Went to the dr today and everything is still going well. I am so ready to have this baby, but so far, nothing. I am 3.5 cm dilated, but not very effaced yet. Had another non stress test, but passed again with flying colors. We will induce late next week if I have not had the baby by then. I'll be a week overdue then. I'm hoping he'll come any day, but who knows. I am now wishing I had stayed at work until I went into labor. Maybe time would have gone by faster.
I stayed up late that night, knowing Cam wasn’t coming anytime soon and disappointed that I might be induced. I went to bed at midnight, planning ways to try to get labor started the next day. At 3 am I woke to go to the bathroom – like usual. As I stood up, water started running down my leg. I thought I just had to pee really bad and squeezed tight. The water kept coming and I realized my water had broken. It had meconium in it, which meant we needed to get to the hospital and monitor Camden to make sure he was ok. So off we went.
After 15 hours of labor, 1.5 hours of pushing, and an epidural that kept wearing off, Camden was born at 5:45 pm. Because of the meconium and him aspirating some, they whisked him off after showing him to me briefly. But in that first glance I knew, he was perfect. There could never be such a beautiful, wonderful, perfect, miraculous boy as the one I just had. They brought him back to me about an hour later and I gloried in my son. I stroked his beautiful face, smelled his beautiful baby smell, and marveled at making something so absolutely flawless. I could hardly sleep that first night. I kept waking and looking at Cam in his bassinette next to me and thought, “I’m a mom. Finally, I am really a mother.”
I am amazed today at how fast a year can go, at how fast a baby can grow. Camden came into this world at 7 pounds 5 ounces and 19 inches long. He’s now over 22 pounds and of average height (we’ll find out exact statistics tomorrow at his 1 year doctor appointment). He started as this little helpless thing I was afraid I would break. And now he crawls around, laughing, getting into mischief, pulling up on everything, and delighting us with everything he does.
I am still in awe of the miracle that is my son. I am so grateful for him in my life. I thank my Heavenly Father every day for the blessing of being a parent, for the blessing of my son, for the privilege of being Camden’s mother, because it truly is a privilege to be a mother and especially his mother. I knew I would love being a mom, but I didn’t realize how much. I knew I would love my son, but I didn’t know it would be so completely, so wholly. I knew he would bring me joy, but again, I didn’t realize the extent that joy would be. Mark and I delight in everything Camden does. We’re constantly talking to each other about the little things he does, about how much we love our son. Camden brought completeness to our family. I still look at him and think, he is the most beautiful, wonderful, perfect, miraculous boy.
Today I am grateful for motherhood. I am grateful for my son. I am grateful for miracles. I am grateful for my Heavenly Father. I am grateful for families, especially eternal families. I am so blessed. So blessed.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
This is the cake and some of his presents. To go along with our "Very Hungry Caterpillar" theme, we made a caterpillar cake. It took a long time to decorate, but it was worth it.
Close up of the cake.
Cam being pushed around by his cousin on one of his many ride ons that he received as gifts.
I don't think Cam knew what to make of the whole present thing. He didn't smile once during the process and he wouldn't rip them open.
Camden got full of cake and started dumping it off the tray and onto the floor. What you can't see is the dog below licking up all his offerings. Our poor dog was covered in crumbs and yellow frosting by the end.
Cam loved the balloons! He also loved when we popped them yesterday afternoon.
We had a fun time! I cannot believe my boy is 1 tomorrow!!
Monday, April 17, 2006
I don't have much to say today. I've missed your blogs all so much that all I want to do is start reading them and commenting on them. And so that is exactly what I am going to do - visit your blogs, read, comment, and catch up! I'm feeling out of the loop and I want to get back in. I missed your stories, your pictures. I thought of you during the week and have looked forward to reading about your worlds once again.
In the coming days, once I have my blog fix, you can look forward to birthday pics. And stories. And meme's I've been tagged with recently. But today, I read your blogs!
Monday, April 10, 2006
Also, I lost a pound last week! Considering af came for a visit, I feel pretty good about that. I didn't quite meet all my goals last week, but I did count every single point that went in my mouth. I also stopped snacking just because and focused on eating healthy items when I did snack. This week I plan to count points every day and stick to my points five days out of seven (I am giving myself semi free range for Camden's birthday party). I plan on walking at least four days. And I plan on continuing to analyze if I am hungry when I eat or if something else makes me want to eat.
Have a great day all!
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Oh, and you will never guess what showed up in my mail today. Yeah, my big lot from yesterday. She shipped it really late and kept lying to me about when it was shipped, but I did get it. Now I feel really bad about the whole dispute thing. Good thing I can cancel it. I can't wait to go home and check it out!
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
So today I filed a paypal dispute. For those who do not use eBay, paypal is a service you can use to pay for your auctions. They also offer dispute services for buyers and sellers in case somebody doesn't pay for their auction, or, as in my case, the auction is not received. They will attempt to get my money back for me if the seller cannot show proof of shipping. In order to do this, however, they will freeze the sellers account for either the amount in dispute, or freeze it totally if there is not enough money in the account to cover the dispute.
Why do I share all this here? Because it is on my mind right now and because I can't shake my huge guilt factor. I believe most people are generally good and honest. So by filing a dispute, I am basically calling this person a liar. And that makes me feel guilty. I hate to doubt another person's true intentions or integrity. I always believe the best about somebody unless something in my heart tells me otherwise or unless they show themselves to be less than trustworthy. And so my guilt factor causes me to second guess myself. What if she was telling the truth? What if it is shipped? What if I all of a sudden receive it tomorrow? Then I will feel bad for ever starting a dispute.
I realize I need to try to recover my money in case she is less than trustworthy. I thought about this for a long time before filing the dispute. I gave her plenty of chances to respond and waited plenty of time. But I know I will second guess myself for quite awhile. I know my huge guilt factor will cause me to question if I am doing the right thing.
I've shopped on eBay for years. I have completed over 100 transactions. This is the first one I've ever had problems with. That's like a 1% problem ratio. I know this is not the norm on eBay. I will continue to buy on eBay. But now I have to start my spring search all over again. I guess on the bright side, I get to look at more cute boy clothes!
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
I cannot stand any form of mayo, miracle whip, sour cream, or salad dressing. To be in the same room as salad dressing makes me slightly ill. Seriously, the smell is just wrong. How can people eat something that smells like that? I know, I know- I'm weird. I get told that all the time. But I was raised in a family where nobody but my mom liked that sort of stuff. And it still makes me sick to this day. When pregnant with Camden, my birthday dinner was ruined because I could smell somebody's salad dressing across the restaurant and it nauseated me. People ask me all the time what I eat on a salad or sandwich then. The truth? Dry! Sometimes I put mustard on a sandwich, but tomatoes really give it any needed moisture. Salads I douse with fresh squeezed lemons. I cannot eat any form of pasta, macaroni, or potato salad because of the dressing factor. People post recipes that call for ranch or mayo and I have to pass them by.
The other thing I don't like much? Cheese. Yup, you read that right - cheese. I can handle small amounts, but I don't like to eat a ton of it. I will occasionally eat small amounts of straight cheese, but I have to have a major craving for that. I do like cheese on things like tacos, pizza, enchiladas, etc, but again, not a ton. I like my pizza with less cheese, not more. Again, it limits my recipes when I read one that calls for 2 cups of cheese or something like that. I'm not a huge fan of lasagna because of all the cheese.
So I can admit it. I'm weird when it comes to certain food ingredients. What foods do you dislike?
Monday, April 03, 2006
Before getting pregnant with Camden, I saw a fertility specialist who told me flat out that my weight could be an issue. We'd been to several other doctors who had not said anything, so I was a bit surprised by this. I had seen many women much larger than me get pregnant easily and so I figured my weight was not an issue. The doctor explained that many women have a set point in terms of weight. When their body reaches a certain weight, reproduction becomes harder. For some women, that limit may be really high. And for others, it can be rather low. I took that to heart and worked on weight loss. I lost 15 pounds in about three months. Not a ton, but I responded to my fertility medications better and became pregnant.
During my pregnancy with Camden, I continued to eat really healthy. For the first two trimesters of my pregnancy, any sugar would make me ill, and so I avoided it. I gained 20 pounds during pregnancy with Cam, which was a reasonable amount. Six weeks after having him, I had lost 30 pounds.
Unfortunately, the stress of a new baby, combined with little sleep, post partum depression, and a freaked out first time mom, I started to eat like crap. I grabbed what was easy and convenient. Cooking went out the window. I now find myself having gained back 10 of those pounds I originally lost. That, combined with the fact that I can tell my body is not working properly, inspires me to start a weight loss program again.
I am starting Weight Watchers again. My goals for this week are to count points each day and aim to stick to my points five days out of seven (I have to start small or I will self combust - I know myself that well). I also plan to walk three days this week. I will snack on healthy things. And the biggest thing - before I eat anything, ask myself, "Am I eating because I am hungry, or is something eating me?" I am a huge emotional and stress eater, so I know I have to analyze the real reasons I am eating.
And so I ask you, internet world, to help me with accountability. If I don't post a weekly update, hound me until I do. And join me if you so feel the need.