Wednesday, April 05, 2006

The guilt factor

You all know how much I love eBay and shopping for clothes for Camden. A few weeks ago I went on my huge spring shopping spree on eBay. I bought a wonderfully large auction of the cutest top brands clothing. It cost a pretty penny, but I felt it would be worth it because it had close to 95 pieces in sizes 12 to 24 months. It would last through spring, summer, and fall. I have been anxiously waiting for this lot to arrive. I have been looking forward to sorting these outfits, washing them carefully, and placing them lovingly away until the weather warms a bit more. Well guess what? It's never arrived! My beautiful, wonderful, coveted lot has not arrived, even though it should have been shipped over two weeks ago. I've contacted the seller several times, asking for an exact shipping date and a receipt that shows it shipped. The seller keeps telling me that it has shipped and to keep waiting for it, but won't give me the information I have requested so nicely.

So today I filed a paypal dispute. For those who do not use eBay, paypal is a service you can use to pay for your auctions. They also offer dispute services for buyers and sellers in case somebody doesn't pay for their auction, or, as in my case, the auction is not received. They will attempt to get my money back for me if the seller cannot show proof of shipping. In order to do this, however, they will freeze the sellers account for either the amount in dispute, or freeze it totally if there is not enough money in the account to cover the dispute.

Why do I share all this here? Because it is on my mind right now and because I can't shake my huge guilt factor. I believe most people are generally good and honest. So by filing a dispute, I am basically calling this person a liar. And that makes me feel guilty. I hate to doubt another person's true intentions or integrity. I always believe the best about somebody unless something in my heart tells me otherwise or unless they show themselves to be less than trustworthy. And so my guilt factor causes me to second guess myself. What if she was telling the truth? What if it is shipped? What if I all of a sudden receive it tomorrow? Then I will feel bad for ever starting a dispute.

I realize I need to try to recover my money in case she is less than trustworthy. I thought about this for a long time before filing the dispute. I gave her plenty of chances to respond and waited plenty of time. But I know I will second guess myself for quite awhile. I know my huge guilt factor will cause me to question if I am doing the right thing.

I've shopped on eBay for years. I have completed over 100 transactions. This is the first one I've ever had problems with. That's like a 1% problem ratio. I know this is not the norm on eBay. I will continue to buy on eBay. But now I have to start my spring search all over again. I guess on the bright side, I get to look at more cute boy clothes!

16 comments:

Mama D said...

Don't feel guilty. If she was being upfront she wouldn't deny you the information you requested. You did the right thing and I hope she learns her lesson. Hope you find some better cute boy clothes!

Nikkie said...

Don't Feel guilty! You did what you thought was best. I hope the dispute goes well and you get your money back!

bon said...

We do a little bit o' ebay and even the rank amatuers get delivery confirmation of one sort or another...and that's just USPS... ! She's snowing ya.

I agree with you that most people are good... and even good folks make mistakes, it's the great ones who own up and say "yeah, I lost that order... let me fix this."

Kristen said...

What a bummer. I've never been an "e-bayer" but I know what pay pal is. Did she have a good rating for previous transactions? I wouldn't feel guilty. You paid for your item(s) and have not received them yet after several attempts to contact her. You need your stuff!

lackrik said...

That stinks! :(

Hope the package arrives.

Carrie said...

Do not feel guilty. You did the right thing. Two weeks is a long time and really it should have been to you by now and they should have been able to give you some sort of proof that it had been shipped. I have shopped on eBay for a long time too and have yet to have to through this and have actually had things shipped very promptly and so two weeks is way too long.

Secondly, you are saving someone else the hassle of having to go through this by filing a complaint. It really does not sound like they were being "up front" with you.

I hope you can find some more clothes for your little guy. This is what I am in the middle of right now. Sorting clothes and deciding what needs to go and shopping for spring and summer.

QueenMeadow said...

I understand, it is not a fun feeling. I had to dispute an auction I won on Amazon.com, I felt really really bad. But the seller insisted he shipped it and had proof, but after 5 days of waiting to hear what the proof was (after more than a month of waiting for my book) I went to Amazon and filed a complaint. They found in my favor and gave me my money back, so I guess he was lying? no idea.

Anyway, its not your fault. You are just trying to protect yourself and thats just fine.

Frog Legs said...

Don't you feel guilt! Remember what happened with my psycho ebayer? (were you reading back then... ?) Anyhow-- it all worked out- and this will too I'm sure. PayPal will be awesome about it-- the awful thing is waiting for those deadlines. THAT was what kept getting me angry. Good luck!!

Julie said...

I totally understand what you're going through. I got screwed for the first time last month on amazon with a used book purchase - after I'd made dozens successfully. It's a bummer.

emlouisa said...

That sucks!!! After you were so dang excited about it too. Poo on her.

Don't feel guilty. If it shows up tomorrow, good. She should be able to give you at least some sort of information about sending it though and she isn't doing that. (a receipt..) Sounds a little fishy and you need to watch out for yourself in those kinds of situations.

good luck! Let us know what happens!

Dawnyel said...

I could say the normal, "don't feel guilty," but unfortunately I feel the same way that you do about accusing people prematurely! I, too, have that nagging fear that something will happen to make my accusation false. But I do think that you did do the right thing! I hope everything works out...it would be a shame not to get that great deal you thought you had!

sheri said...

ditto all the no-guilters! She probably should've been able to give you more information when you requested it. At the very least, it might help her be more "thorough" in her transactions? (if she's being honest in all this) I hope you either get all those cute clothes or get to find more cute clothes soon! Sadly, I understand the giddiness of getting a box of baby clothes. Just wait til you have a girl! It only gets worse. Way worse.

LynAnne said...

It sounds like you did exactly the right thing! We had something similar happen when I won an action for a cell phone on ebay. The seller said it had shipped but it never showed. He refunded my money before I had a chance to complain to ebay. Later I noticed that he had another action for the exact item I won. Someone told me it's a common scam: the item sells too low the first time so the seller claims "lost in shipping" and relists the item a few weeks later (claiming it's not the same one but just similar).

scrapaholic said...

You most definitely did the right thing! Nothing within the U.S. takes over two weeks to ship! I really hope that you find even cuter clothes for that cute kid! And maybe even at a lower price!!!!!!

Stacy said...

I'm so glad I have never had that problem (knock on wood). I am like you and hate to see people for what they MAY be... I'd rather think everyone out there is nice, honest, and trustworthy.
Good luck and I hope Cam gets some new summer clothes soon!!!

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