Christmas 2008

Sure it's almost a month after Christmas, but it's never too late for a Christmas post. So here are pictures from our Christmas shindig.

Camden eating chocolate while waiting for grandparents to arrive before opening presents.

Easton with his new bead maze. Melissa and Doug toys are the best!
Camden opening his big Santa present.
It's a big wooden train! (Which has seriously have to be the best present he has ever received. He plays with it for HOURS!)
Easton opening presents with the help of Daddy. Eastie didn't get the whole Christmas thing. One present and he was done. He was happy with things the way they were and kept crawling off to play with all the old toys.
The boys playing - and Christmas aftermath. It seemed like we hadn't bought them all that much - until it was open and spread all over the floor.
Camden later that day after all the mess was cleaned up and his train all put together. He loves that thing!

My Easter Post

With the help of super high tech tools like a paper clip, our photo card was rescued from the computer slot where it was not-so-tenderly shoved and Camden will live to see his 3rd birthday. Without further ado, Easter pictures!

Camden was so excited about his first official Easter egg hunt. They gave out bags of candy at the beginning and he clung tightly to it. He didn't realize there was candy in the bag until much later, otherwise there wouldn't have been this picture.

Camden found one egg and was so proud to have it! The Easter egg hunt was rather lame, but he had fun and that's all that matters. Easton, as usual, slept through the entire thing.

We had so much fun decoarting eggs together. Cam had to count them all to make sure there really were 12 eggs. He also insisted each egg had a name.

Of course the boys got new clothes for church and I had to take a picture. Notice the look of terror on Easton's face. "Mom, you're going to let Camden hold me? Are you crazy?!?!" Yes my dear child, I am. May you live to tell the tale.

Finally Camden actually looked at the camera and smiled. Easton looks resigned to his fate of being held by big brother.

And one last picture of a smiling squishy. I love those cheeks and that smile! Chubby babies rock my world!

Holiday Wrap up

So I'm a little late on the whole holiday wrap up thing. But hey, I have pics I want to show, so why not do it almost two weeks after Christmas?

Stepson came out for Christmas and we had a great time! He and Camden had so much fun together. Although there is a 13 year age difference, Camden worships his older brother and Kolby is so good with Camden. Although Camden didn't quite get into the whole present thing this year, he had a much better response than last year (where he looked confused in all his pictures).

Cam's stack o presents before opening.

Cam headed straight for his new kitchen. (So he got a kitchen for Christmas and he's a boy. It's up to me to train him for his future wife - better start young.)

Opening his present from stepbrother.

With his stack o presents after opening.

And one last picture. Even though it's blurry and you don't see any faces, I love that two brothers are playing together in spite the big range in ages. They were building together and Cam was imitating everything Kolby did (and yes Kolby kept him from putting pieces in his mouth).

For the New Year, I spent the day with the flu. Fun! But resolutions have been made and the D. family is on track for a (hopefully) good new year!

I'm back on track and hope to be checking out your blogs soon!

A few shout outs

I've got a few shout outs of thanks to give to some MOF's who have really helped me out lately.

First of all, to Emily and her dh. Our computer at home crashed a few weeks ago, taking all of my pictures with it. To give you an idea of how bad this is, ALL of Camden's pictures over the past 20 months were on it and NONE of them were backed up to a disk. We had hard copies of some we printed out and I had some at school, but I thought we were going to loss over half our pictures. I was distraught and pretty much crying on our bulletin board when Em stepped in. She told me her dh was a computer genius and could probably help us save our pictures as long as the hard drive wasn't fried. She sent us a disk to help recover the pictures, Mark called her dh, her dh stepped Mark through, and we were able to recover ALL our pictures. I cannot tell you how relieved I am that we were able to get them all. I cried tears of joy seeing the pictures again. I learned to ALWAYS back up your pictures.

Second to Alissa who did our Christmas cards for us this year. She did an AWESOME job! I love them and couldn't be any more pleased with them. I love all her Christmas card designs as well as her photography. I only wish she lived close enough to take some pictures of our family for us.

Last of all, to the anonymous person who left this comment:

"(I'm debated whether to sign as anon or not...I'm a regular reader of your blog but I didn't think you'd want to read mine right now. I think of you often. Take care!)"

Please don't be afraid to sign my blog! I'm assuming you left this comment because you are pregnant and you think it may be too painful for me to read your blog because it discusses pregnancy at times. I really appreciate you thinking of me and having that sensitivity (not a lot of people have that same compassion), but I can assure you I am OK with pregnancy and pregnant people. Each of us have our trials in life. I know I will probably always struggle get and stay pregnant, but that's part of my trials and part of having a mortal body. I have come to accept this and am OK with it. I'm glad you don't have to go through the same thing and I mean that. I still love all my MOF's who are pregnant or who may become pregnant while I struggle with getting so. My trials may not be your trials and your trials may not be mine. One thing I love about MOF's and the blogosphere is the variety of people and their struggles they may post about. I learn from each one of you as I read your blogs. Please don't be afraid to comment just because you may be pregnant!! I really am OK with it.

Merry Christmas to all of you! I don't know if I will post again until after Christmas because we have a busy schedule the next few days. I hope it is a good holiday for each of you.

Happy Blogoversary to me!

I just realized I've had my blog for just over a year now. My first post was written December 5, 2005. In honor of that first post, I bring it back to you again, with new added commentary at the end!

We decorated our Christmas tree the other day. It was a beautiful, poignant moment as the memories of the past several Christmases flooded my mind. This year as we put the tree up, my adorable, almost 8 month old son played among the lights, clad only in a diaper. As I looked in wonderment at my little miracle, I couldn't help but remember the empty arms and accompanying pain of past years and the hope this year represents.

My husband and I married in July of 2000. By that first Christmas together, we felt strongly it was time to have a child, so we started trying. That first Christmas was full of hope and the promise of things to come. The following Christmas, 2001, we were almost a year into our trying to conceive a child and had suffered a miscarriage at Thanksgiving time. The doctor told me it was just a chemical pregnancy, but to me it was more. To top it off, we had found out we had fertility problems and who knew if we would get lucky again. That Christmas was sad, but I was sure that by next Christmas we would either be holding a new baby or at least be pregnant.

Christmas 2002 found me in the darkest place I have ever been. There was only blackness, hopelessness, and despair. We were now almost 2 years into our journey of trying to get pregnant. We had done seven, yes seven, unsuccessful rounds of fertility medications. We had been told our chances were slim that we would ever get pregnant on our own. Anguish overwhelmed me. All I wanted was a child, somebody to wake us early and then run down the stairs in excitement. Instead, we could sleep in as long as we wanted. There were no real surprises under the tree. And I was Scrooge. Not a speck of holiday cheer could be found in my soul. I teetered on the brink of losing my testimony, feeling lost, alone, and abandoned by my Heavenly Father. I understood the true meaning of Christmas, but it was lost on me as I wallowed in despair.

Changes occurred by Christmas 2003. We were still not pregnant, but I had found hope. We’d taken some time off from trying to get pregnant, started seeing a different specialist, and were feeling optimistic all around. It was still not an easy season, but I had hope, and after the previous year, that was a good thing.

Finally, Christmas 2004, I was 23 weeks pregnant and we had just found out it was a little boy. Mark would ask me what I wanted for Christmas and I would tell him nothing – I had already been given the greatest gift and he was growing safely inside me. And now we come this year, Christmas 2005.

My son, my miracle Camden, sits playing among the lights as Mark and I decorate the tree. In the background, we have Christmas music playing. We’ve put on the lights and our themed decorations and are now pulling out our special ones. We started a tradition that each year we buy an ornament or two which reflects the events of the past year. We unpack them and begin hanging them on the tree. The Vernal temple representing the year we got married. A dog representing the adoption of our puppy. A teacher ornament a student gave me. The meaningless balls of 2001 and 2002 that we bought quickly to carry on the tradition. And this year’s special ornament reading “Baby’s First Christmas 2005.”

As we hang these on the tree, Camden starts to fuss. He’s had a cold and I’m amazed he’s been good this long. I pick him up and begin to dance around the room, holding him tight. As I do, tears roll down my face. I remember the pain of Christmases past. And I see the hope of Christmases to come. No longer will our house be silent on Christmas morning. Camden won’t know what it means this year to get presents. He won’t really care. But in a few years, he’ll run eagerly down the stairs to see what Santa brought him. There will be no more sleeping in on Christmas morning and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I think of the pain of the past and then the hope this little boy represents. And I send a prayer of thanks heavenward. He’s my miracle, my evidence of Heavenly Father’s love for me. I hope I can teach him the true meaning of Christmas. I hope I can raise him right. I hope I can be a good mom. Most of all, I hope Camden never doubts how much he is loved and how much he was wanted.

As we decorated the tree this year, 2006, many of the same feelings came back to me. We added this year's special ornament - to remember the angel we lost. As we do, I send a prayer heavenward - that Camden will have a sibling and know that joy. After our recent loss, I am even more grateful to have Camden. This year he's 19 months old. And instead of watching calmly while decorating the tree, he's in the middle examining each ornament (and pulling them off the tree). Again, we danced around as we listened to Christmas music. And I delight in his belly laughs as we spin in circles. He looks at me with a face full of adoration and love. With that, the Christmas spirit enters our house.

Holiday Expectations

I admit it. I have "issues" with holidays. Not big holidays like Christmas, Easter, and Halloween, but all the other small holidays that seem to require a gift - like Valentine's Day, Father's Day, and Mother's Day. With Mother's Day rapidly approaching, these issues once again surface.

Don't get me wrong, I think it is good to have a day to celebrate love, or a day to celebrate your mother, or celebrate being a mother. We all want to be appreciated and these holidays give us a chance to be showered with love and attention for a few hours. But I hate the gift giving expectations that come along with those days.

The gifts advertised during these times are always the same. For a woman your choices are flowers, candy, jewelry, or girly pampering stuff. For a man, you can choose a tie, wallet, electronic equipment, or a barbequer of some sort. None of these items are things I really want to either get as a gift (except flowers on occasion) or give as a gift. I don't want Mark to buy me a gift just because society says he should. And I especially don't want any of the advertised gifts for this holiday. Flowers? I like to get those "just because", not because it is expected on a certain day. And they die quickly. Candy? That will make me fat (although there is a great little sweet shop out here). Jewelry? I wear very little and so that's not a great choice. Girly pampering stuff? I have very sensitive skin and can't use most of it, especially not bath beads or bubble bath.

So what do I want on these holidays? All I want for Mother's Day is time with Camden and Mark, maybe a nice dinner, and a chance for a nap. If really pressed for what I would want as a gift, it would be things like new clothes or a new cell phone. But I'll get those eventually anyway, so it doesn't matter if I get it for Mother's Day or not. I look forward to the days when Camden makes me cute little things or chooses out a small gift, but until that point, I don't really want presents because society says I should get one on this holiday.

Worse than trying to think of a gift for myself is trying to think of one for my mother. She is at that stage in life that anything she wants, she buys. And she says she doesn't want more knickknacks or clutter around her house, so any gift that would contribute to that is out. I've been wracking my brain for a gift for her for days for now and am still drawing a blank. Mother's Day is just a few days away and I don't have a clue what to get my mother. I may go with the old stand by - a gift card of some sort.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Do you look forward to these holidays? What do you want in terms of receiving a gift? What are you giving to your mother as a gift? Share with me your feelings. Maybe you'll be the one to help me get over my holiday issues.