Another Camden Update

Some of you may have been following my saga of Camden and trying to figure out what is causing him to behave so miserably in public and in large groups. Our district preschool enrolled him a few months ago to observe him more. They called me last week to discuss their observations with me. I knew he was struggling, but again, I did not realize the severity of the struggles.

Camden's social skills are low for his age. To make it harder on the poor boy, he is as tall as most 5 and 6 year olds, but he is barely turning 4, so people think he is older than he is and expect him to behave like an older child. To make it even harder, he is about a year ahead in his language skills, so that throws people off too. The observer told me Camden does not play "with" other kids. He will play next to them, but not with them. I never realized that he wasn't actually playing with other children. His only real interaction with the children at preschool is to be aggressive and confrontational. He will seek out adults and ignore the other children while at school.

The special education evaluator and I had a long talk. I asked her flat out if there was a chance Camden had Asperger syndrome. She said she thinks that is a real possibility and I should discuss it with his pediatrician. Although I threw that word out there, I truly did not expect to hear that yes, the observing team had talked about that word in relationship to Camden for quite awhile. It is devestating to hear. I do worry for his future. While I think he will go far in life, I worry about his social life and how school will be for him. It's hard enough in this world without adding in having a hard time socially.

The special education teacher did point out that he may just be socially behind and it may resolve itself over the next few years. She also pointed out that he is the oldest child and used to being around adults, so maybe he just doesn't know how to handle social situations yet or prefers talking to adults because that is what he knows.

We have an appointment with Camden't pediatrician in a week. Hopefully after talking to him we can get some answers, or even just some clear direction of what to do next. No matter what, he is still my beautiful, intelligent, wonderful little boy. As his mother, I will fight to help him become the best he can be.

Update on Camden

We got the results for Camden's evaluation a few weeks ago. Like I expected, he is above average in language and in academic skills. On social and emotional, he was below average, but not enough to qualify for services at this point. However, the preschool was concerned enough about his behavior and sound issues that they want to observe him further. They are enrolling him in the preschool on a temporary basis to evaluate him further. They will have the occupational therapist evaluate him for sensory disorders. No matter what, even if he doesn't qualify for services this year, he is on the waiting list for a spot in the preschool next year, which pretty much means he'll get in as a tuition paying student next school year. I am glad they are being so thorough. Camden had a beautiful streak in behavior, but in the past few weeks, we've started to get bad reports from the gym daycare again and last week he had to leave Primary. I hope that the preschool will be able to see our concerns during his temporary enrollment. I feel we are on the right track.

Always changing . . .

It seems like the boys change so rapidly that I have to record all the little things before they slip away and I forget.

Easton is changing like crazy. He took his first steps right after the new year and has been unstoppable ever since. Most babies wait until they can balance rather well to walk. Not Eastie! Once he started taking steps, he was off and is already trying to run. Each day his balance gets better, but it sure has been funny to watch him figure it all out. Easton also figured out how to get up and down the stairs. This kid is a problem solver and doesn't give up. He will try again and again until he gets it perfect and that's what he did with figuring out the stairs. Easton is signing "milk", "dog", and "ball" and is trying to figure out how to sign "eat" (right now he keeps patting his head). I think he is going to be really good at the "terrible two's" since he is already throwing himself on the floor when he doesn't get his way or what he wants. We always know when Eastie is causing mischief because he growls as he starts his capers. He is still full of laughs and smiles and is still our sunshine.

At the end of December, a mutual decision was made with Camden's preschool teacher to remove him from preschool for the time being. He was having as many bad days as good days and the stress was wearing on us all. After the advice of many friends, I've been reading Raising your Spirited Child and The Out of Sync Child. Both of these books have been a tremendous help to me. I see much of Camden in the descriptions found in these books. It's been reassuring to realize that my son is normal, just a bit more sensitive and spirited than the average child. In addition to helping me understand my son better, they have helped teach me strategies and activities to use with Cam. We're seeing a lot of improvement in him at home and in public situations. I'm learning what sets him off and what to do help him. I'm also learning strategies to help him help himself. Now instead of hitting, he will tell me he is angry and what he needs to do to calm down. I'm thrilled to be able to understand him better and be a better parent to him. It has been downright awesome to see my beautiful boy blossom, thrive, and mature before my eyes. His imagination, intelligence, and creativity astound me.

We had his preschool evaluation last Friday. I prayed that it would go well and that the evaluators would be able to know my concerns for him. I knew he would pass the academic parts with flying colors and wondered how they could evaluate my behavior and sensory concerns. It may seem small, but I know the Lord heard and answered my prayers because Camden went into what I call "classic Camden" when confronted with noise. The speech therapist wanted to test his hearing. I was filling out paperwork and not paying much attention, but the speech therapist wanted to put something in his ear and he freaked out! He ran screaming from the room and went into full Camden melt down. I took him outside and calmed him down. The therapist skipped the hearing test and instead sat and talked to me. She asked if this was a typical behavior and I told her yes. I explained my concerns to her and what had happened in his last preschool. Without me even bringing it up, she mentioned a sensory processing disorder, mentioned occupational therapy, and talked to me for a bit about that. It was such confirmation to me, that my concerns have been right on the money. I only wish I had of followed through on my instincts months ago. I don't know if he will qualify for the preschool, but if not, I have the number of another evaluation service to call. I am praying that he will qualify for services at the preschool and be able to learn coping strategies for his noise issues.

I am grateful to be a mom to these beautiful boys. I'm grateful for the opportunity to become a better mother. I know these children have been placed in my life specifically to teach me how to be a better parent - more patient, loving, and kind. I am very grateful for all the good friends who have listened to my concerns without judging, who have given me advice, and put me on the paths to understanding my son better. I'm grateful for all the prayers and best wishes on behalf of my child and myself. I truly feel them and they have helped when I have questioned my parenting and my own self worth as a mother.

My Camdenator

I haven't talked much about my Camdenator lately, so I decided he needed his own post. This little guy is so much fun! He has developed quite the imagination and loves to tell me stories full of giants, trolls, dragons, pirates, families, and more. It's fun to watch his brain work.

I've discovered what an audio learner Camden is. I've known this for awhile, but it's become even more clear to me since he started preschool. If you repeat something to Camden a few times, he can repeat it back to you, especially if it's in song. He recently learned our phone number this way. The other day while eating dinner, Camden started reciting the "Pledge of Allegiance." To my surprise, he was able to say it word for word correctly. Apparently they say the pledge in preschool once a week and he memorized it. I know if I read books out loud to him, after a few times, he'll be able to repeat it back to me. I love knowing this fact so that I know how to teach my child as he gets older. Put it to song, repeat it out loud, and he'll learn it quickly. He has learned all his alphabet sounds this way and will tell you what sound each letter makes.

I love to listen to Camden talk, especially when he mispronounces a word. I love his "hambabanger," his "tricycple", his "banna". He's convinced that the song "We're not Gonna Take it" really says "We are not Naked" and he'll sing these lyrics loudly.

Camden still loves books. He loves to look at books, to be read books, and to hear stories. We recently got him a subscription our church magazine "The Friend" and he loves to look at "his magazine." He is active as can be! Rarely does he sit still for long. He loves to run, play, and especially jump. He loves trains. He almost always chooses a train as a reward when he earns a big reward. He also still loves animals. It doesn't matter the shape or the size, he loves animals.Camden is very sweet and sensitive. He doesn't understand when others are being mean to him. He tries to teach others to share and be nice. He is especially protective of his younger brother. Of course he can be rough with Easton, but for the most part, he wants to cuddle Easton and wants him included in everything. If I'm not being nice to Easton (or as nice as Cam thinks I should be), he'll tell me. He'll also tell others not to say words like "shut up" or "stupid" because they're "not nice."

Camden is sometimes too sensitive in that he has a lot of fears and anxieties. These have been with him since he was a baby. We're learning how to work with him on these issues, but sometimes it doesn't help. We've had to remove him from a few child care situations because they weren't willing to learn what caused some of his actions (when he is afraid, all bets are off) or how to deal with it. We've learned to steel ourselves for doctor appointments, hair cuts, and many other things. He is very sensitive to noise. We've learned that if there is a lot of noise, his behavior will get worse. The hardest part is not dealing with his behavior when he is in a situation where he is scared, but to deal with the judgment we get from others. Camden teaches me to be tougher, to have thicker armour when it comes to what others think of him and of our parenting, and to put his needs first over the looks from others.

I have to admit, parenting Camden can be challenging. He's stubborn to a fault. He's obstinate and he doesn't always listen well. Dealing with his sensory issues take patience and sometimes I don't have a lot of it. But I am so glad he is mine. Recently I told Camden the story of how he came to our family. Now every night before bed he requests that I tell him "the story of me." I tell him how much we wanted a baby, how much we prayed for a baby, and how sad I was when it didn't happen. I tell him how happy we were when we found out he was coming. Then I tell him of his birth and how overjoyed that made his father and I. Finally I tell him how much I still love him, how I will always love him, and how happy I am that he is my son. And that is true. In spite of the difficulties in parenting sometimes, I am so glad to have Camden in my life. He made me a mom and I am forever grateful for the blessing he is.

Imagination!

Camden loves playing dress up. So with Halloween coming, we bought some cheap costumes and made a dress up box. He has so much fun playing and I love watching his imagination blossom. It's our new favorite activity in our house. (And is it just me, or is Camden looking way too much like a bigger boy these days? He's lost his toddler look!)

Toddler Math

Take one active, curious three year old. Add in two parents busy getting ready for church, plus a spray bottle full of water unnoticed in the toddler's hand. Leave said child unattended while said parents prepare for church. Notice it has become eerily quiet and race downstairs to see said toddler sitting with said water bottle in front of the open laptop computer. What do you have? One toddlerfied computer. Yes Camden, that dear, sweet boy, sprayed water all over the screen of the laptop, which has consequently destroyed the laptop screen. So I am stuck with our old, SLOW PC and may be a bit scarce. If you are here from NCLM, I will be catching up with you soon!

In this spot . . .

In this spot you should be seeing MLM (now a week and one day late), but you're not because I still haven't gotten around to it. I want to write a longer post and just haven't had time (doing fun stuff like decorating eggs and cookies with my kiddos over spring break). It will be up sometime this week. Thanks for being patient with me.

In this spot I was going to do an Easter post, showing lots of pics of my sons. But Camden, that dear, sweet, almost 3 year old boy, had some fun with the camera card and our laptop, so said laptop is currently at the computer repair shop where they can hopefully extract said camera card from the card slot on the computer (where Camden jammed it in sideways). The fun of toddlers!

Kid Funny

Cam walked by me as I got out of the shower this morning. I had a towel wrapped around my shoulders only and he, in perfect almost-3-year-old sincerity, said, "Nice shirt, Mom." I love that kid!

Reflections on Mother's Day

Mother's Day was a hard day for me for many years. I belong to a religion in which family plays a central role. Because of that, services on Mother's Day really emphasize mothers and motherhood. During the years of infertility, this day was the most painful of any in the year. It was one more reminder that I was not a mother and may never be a mother. At the end of sacrament meeting each Mother's Day, all women over the age of 18 were invited to stand a receive a gift. Although meant for all women, it was another stab in the heart and I resented it. The day became so painful for me that it was easier not to attend church on that day. I would stay home and wallow in my sadness over missing the joys of motherhood. Even the promises of motherhood in the next life did nothing to soothe my pain.

Although I am a mother now and I enjoy the home aspects of Mother's day (a special breakfast, extra cuddles with Cam, etc), the church issue is still hard for me to deal with. I know there are women in that audience hurting over not being a mother or their feelings of failure as a mother. Each year, in spite of motherhood, I still have dread over attending church on this day. I go to church on this day now, but I am very aware of how things are worded and the pain they may be causing others. I want to hug each one of those hurting women and tell them I am so sorry for their pain and heartache. Even with the title of mother now, I cringe at some of the comments made yearly in a church setting.

This year at church, the comments at church annoyed me as usual. I knew the pain they would cause to women out there struggling with infertility and the heartbreak. But for me, there was a small moment of healing meant for my heart alone.

After Sunday School, I went to the bathroom while Mark went and picked up Camden from nursery. As I came into the chapel to meet my family, I heard Camden calling for "Mama." As soon as he saw me, he ran up to me, calling my name, and handed me a blue piece of card stock. On it was a little poem about hand prints and there was his little hand print. The nursery workers had the kids make these for their mother's. Brave women that they are, they dipped each child's hand in black paint and placed it on the paper. And even more amazingly, there was no trace of black paint on Camden's skin or church clothing. It thoroughly touched me the effort put in by these women to make these small tokens for the mother's of the children 3 and under. And even more touching was Cam's excitement in presenting me this paper. He was so proud of himself! I cried as its simple beauty touched my soul. In that moment, a bit of healing came over me and the pain of Mother's Day at church lessened to a degree for me alone.

I know that day was hard for many women. I understand and I empathize. I am so, so sorry for anybody struggling through infertility and its pain. I am grateful, however, that for a brief moment I could see the beauty of such a day in a day that has been painful for so many years. I am grateful for that small moment of healing. I hope I never forget how Mother's Day can be a painful reminder for many women. But I also hope I never forget the moment my heart received a small moment of healing on this day. My hope for you, if you are struggling through this, is that you can find healing on that particular day as well.

A Post!

I've been a bad blogger lately. I just haven't had the time to blog much here. And I don't have much to say either. But here are some pictures of some of our adventures recently.

This is the little cutie during an Easter egg hunt at Grandma's house. He had a blast!

A picture with Mom actually in it! Since I rarely make an appearance in pictures. If you are wondering why we're dressed alike, we had family pictures just about an hour before this lil Easter egg hunt, so most of the family is wearing black and khaki.

Camden at the zoo with cousins. He was so sad when he had to leave his cousins.

Camden and the penguin. The penguin kept trying to figure how to get out to visit Cam personally and Cam wanted it to come.

Camden playing on the rocks at the park. Again, he had a blast and didn't want to leave!

Camden recently turned two! I can't believe I now have a two year old. So I'll be back soon with pictures from his birthday.

The artist formerly known as Mom

I take great pride in the fact that the first word Camden said was "Ma." It should have been his first word, considering how I drilled it into his tiny baby head. While Dad was naively at work, I was at home saying the word "Momma" over and over again hoping Cam would pick up on it. After all, wasn't it my right to have that be his first word after carrying him in my body for 9 months and for then spending an hour and a half trying to push his huge noggin out? I was well rewarded for all my efforts as "Ma" was his first word, which gradually evolved into "Momma."

It caused no small amount of distress for Mark that Camden didn't say "Dada" for the longest time. Camden would call my parental name again and again, but Daddy was left out in the cold. Feeling sorry for poor Mark, I worked on getting Camden to say "Dada." After a few months, he decided to add that to his vocabulary as well and life was good. Although Camden didn't call us by name often, the fact that he could call both of us by a proper name was a time of rejoicing for us.

Over the past few months, Camden has had a HUGE language explosion in both sign and speaking. And I was thrilled when somewhere along the line he learned to sign Mom and Dad, as well as say those words. But I've noticed over the past few weeks that something got lost. Apparently, Camden decided it was too much effort to call both of his parents by a separate name. Why have two names when one was good enough? It was just too much extra effort to keep two names for such seemingly interchangeable people. And can you guess which name he decided to drop? Yup, the one near and dear to my heart - "Momma."

I'm not sure when it happened, but I've noticed over the past few weeks that he says and signs "Daddy" repeatedly. Yes, he's even upgraded to the word "Daddy" for this. He does it when Mark is at work, when Mark is at home, when we're all together as a family. And at first I thought he was just stuck on Dad, which is ok. But then I realized he was using it to refer to both of us. I come out to pick him up from day care? He signs and yells "Daddy." He comes to see me at work? "Daddy" again. Mark will be at work and Camden will wander around the house shouting "Dad", "Dad", "Dad" until he finds me and then he stops.

Mark's noticed it too. I think he's secretly gloating in it, like I did when Camden first said "Ma," but he pretends to feel badly for me and tries to encourage the use of Mommy. We both try to get Camden to say "Momma" again or to even sign it again, but he just looks at us like we're crazy.

It's getting a little confusing to figure out who Camden wants. Does he want Daddy-Daddy this time around or Mommy-Daddy? He can fall, stand up crying, say "Daddy Daddy" over and over again, but run to me for comfort and reject Mark. We can both be sitting on the couch and Cam will want to play, come up asking for "Daddy", and grab Mark by the hand and reject me. So I'm never quite sure when Mommy-Daddy should come to the rescue, unless of course, Mark is at work. Even then, it could still mean Camden just misses Daddy and really doesn't want me when he's calling Daddy's name.

I hope I get my own name back one day. But until then, you can call me the artist formerly known as "Mom."

I hope I always remember

The way Camden looked before his big boy haircut.

And after (no, that is not a razor in his mouth, but a tooth flosser - he loves to suck the mint off the edges)

I hope I always remember:

-The way he loves any animal and gets so excited when he sees one. Today he ran all around a pet store from animal to animal saying and signing what each one was.

-The way he loves to cuddle a stuffed bear while he goes to sleep.

-How he wants to hold my hand going up and down the stairs like a big boy.

-That his favorite word to say and sign is octopus.

-That right now his favorite color to say is yellow.

-How excited he gets when he gets to watch fish videos on the computer - one of his favorite things! He'll stand at the computer and say fish over and over until we pull them up.

-The way he loves cheese, raisins, and fruit.

-How excited he gets when he comes to see me at school. He came to have lunch with me on Tuesday and as soon as he saw me standing in the hall, he gave a yell and ran full blast towards me.

-The way he devours books.

-His laugh and his impish smile.

-His cute lil toddler run, as well as his cute lil toddler belly.

-How he loves to splash in water and help "wash" his body in bath time at night.

-How opinionated he can be!

-His favorite meals of mac n cheese or peanut butter and jelly.

-The cute way he signs Mom and Dad and how, when the other is at work, he'll wander around the house signing and calling their name.

-His pretend conversations with Elmo on his toy phone. He loves to pretend talk.

-His first sentence of "paydo peas" (playdough please).

-How much he loves to cuddle with his parents and his dog. He loves to put his head against ours and hug.

-The way he waves his hand and says "uv you" (love you).

-The way he imitates Mom and Dad on almost anything. Yesterday he was hopping in the kitchen like a kangaroo and waddling like a penguin because I was showing him how.

-How much he loves to hear the ABC's sung or do "Patty Cake."

-His shyness and flirtiness with new people.

-The way he folds his arms and says "amen" at the end of a prayer.

-How much he loves pounding on the piano.

-The way he takes me by the hand and leads me around the house to play a game or see something new.

He's growing up so fast. I want to hang on and remember every little moment. I love this little guy so much!

Shameless bragging post about my son

At least I warned you up front.

Camden has had a language explosion in the past few weeks. It thrills me to no end to hear him trying out new words and sounds. Not only has he had a speaking explosion, but a signing explosion as well.

We've been using the videos from Signing Time to teach him sign language. We really wanted him to be able to communicate with us in more than one way and to be able to sign words he can't yet say. Since his spoken vocabulary is only about 20 words total, signing has been great for us.

In the last week, he has had a HUGE signing explosion! This past week, he did 14 new signs. He even signed his first sentence by signing "candy" and then "please". After I gave him a piece of candy, he signed "thank you." He's now using sign to tell us what he wants instead of just whining and throwing a tantrum when he can't say the word and we can't understand him.

For a long time, I wondered if teaching him sign was paying off. The videos entertained him, but didn't seem to be sinking in. He would do a sign here and there, but nothing with much consistency (except dog). But now I see the sign explosion and it thrills me to no end. I love watching him learn and I love that he can communicate with us better.

So there you have it - my shameless bragging post about Camden. I've been wanting to tell the world about his signing explosion because it thrills me so much. What would you like to brag about with your kids this week? Tell me in your comments!

Sometimes you really need a drink of water

The problem with a child being raised with a dog as his only sibling so far is that sometimes that child thinks he is a dog.

I love that you can actually see his tongue sticking out in that last picture. Mmmm, dog water!

Can't. Fight. The. Addiction

It's one of the most wonderful times of year for me. Nope, not the start of school. Christmas is still pretty far away. So what could it be that has me so excited? It's time to buy Camden his fall and winter clothes!

Never mind I've bought clothes in advance and have a closet full appropriate for all seasons. It doesn't seem like enough. I must still feed my addiction and buy more clothes for Cam on eBay!

I can't help it. I love to dress my child. I love to look for him. And I love eBay. So I shop, and shop, and shop some more. Somebody stop me!

To end with, one cute picture of Camden. This was his first pudding experience. He decided it was so good he had to pick up the bowl and lick it.