My Life Monday - My personal Philosophy

I have been mired in the world of teenage novels and textbook adoption as we prepare to get new books for next year. I'm in charge of textbook adoption, so it's been fun ordering books and reading books and reviewing them. But I am taking a break from it (and the massive stacks of papers I have to grade) to finally post this, late once again.


So today, I share my personal philosophy on child rearing. Realize I am only a mother of one so I may not really know what I am talking about. LOL!


As a teacher, I see children who are beaten down, who have little to no self esteem, who have seen more in their 14 short years than some adults see in a lifetime. It breaks my heart to see so many walking wounded, maybe not physically wounded, but psychologically. I see so many children who have no clue how to function in the real world, who are saved from the consequences of their actions by their parents. I see so many children who are left to parent themselves and try to determine what is right or wrong. Because of that, I have very defined views on how I want to raise my son (and hopefully future children as well).


I strongly believe in choices and letting children have them. Let them understand the natural consequences, positive or negative, of their choices. Sometimes I want to rescue Camden from his choices or force my will on him, but he won't learn that way, so I have to remind myself to step back and let him learn. I think that is one of the hardest thing about being a parent, not saving your child from their mistakes. It is my job to teach him right from wrong and then let him choose from there.


My biggest parenting philosophy is parenting with love. I don't want to be the one to wound my son's confidence, integrity, and sense of self. It's a hard world out there. People are cruel to each other over tiny differences. I see it every day at school, students leaving battered and bruised emotionally from peers, family, and other supposed loved ones. Camden will receive enough wounds outside the home; I don't want them inflicted in our home. I want our home to be his safe haven, where he always feels love and acceptance. I want it to be the place where he can recover from the darts given by the world. He deserves to know that there are two people who think the world of him, who think he is the greatest thing since sliced bread.


There are consequences for actions and at times we may be disappointed in his choices, but I want him to know that though we may be disappointed in a choice, we are never disappointed in him. I want him to know unconditional love. I don't want my children to live in fear of the moods of one of their parents, never knowing when that parent will blow up and abuse them either mentally or physically. When I discipline, I try to do it with love. And I try to encourage his interests, boost his self esteem, and help him develop his own strong sense of self. I want him to be strong, confident, and secure in our love and in himself. If I can accomplish those goals, then I will feel like I am a good parent.


Please leave your link below if you already posted, and if you haven't, it's not too late.


Next week's topic - An unforgettable dream. Let's share our crazy dreams with each other.

My Life Monday - An embarrassing moment

Really, one of these weeks I will be on time with this. I just can't seem to get myself in gear. But that's ok! If you haven't posted yours yet, you are still more than welcome to.

I embarrass myself on almost a daily basis, so it's hard to know where to begin. I put my foot in my mouth or do stupid things so often that I have many embarrassing moments swirling through my brain. But I'll choose one from junior high.

In junior high, I did track. I didn't like it, but I did it because it seemed like the thing to do. Never mind that I hate running in any form (I also have a strong dislike for sweating) and couldn't do long distances. So I did shot-put normally. A my 8th grade year of track started, I had the brilliant idea of doing hurdles. I signed up to do them and really looked forward to it. But there was only one problem - I was scared of actually jumping over the hurdle. Every day I'd say today was the day I was going over the hurdle. Every day I walked out to the track, stretched, ran a few laps, and prepared to jump over the those hurdles. And every day, running towards them, I would stop right before it came time to jump because I was scared of them. Pathetic huh? So you think that since I couldn't jump over them in practice, I'd not even bother with the upcoming meet right? Wrong! I knew somehow I would do it during the meet and blow everybody out of the water with the prowess that I'd been hiding. I kept my name on the list of hurdlers and went to the first meet.

At the meet, they called for the hurdlers and I went over with the rest to run the race. I signed in, I got into position on the running blocks, and I waited for the whistle. When the whistle went off, I gave it my best shot. I ran and I jumped. I finally jumped! But guess what happened? Yeah, I sucked and ended up tripping over almost all of them. I fell several times, scraping and bruising myself. Everybody finished the race long before I did. When it was over, I walked off the track in extreme embarrassment and humiliation. The coach came over to talk to me afterwards. He hadn't even realized I hadn't been practicing. He wasn't a very good coach and added to my humiliation. I can't remember what he said, but I do know I never liked him again. And the next day at school, some jerky boy imitated my hurdle race in math class. He found this to be his entertainment for the next week or so.

Needless to say, I never did track again. I look back now and wonder what the heck I was thinking, but in that youthful arrogance, I was sure I was going to rock those hurdles, even without practice. That moment is truly a moment I wish the ground had opened up and swallowed me, or at the very least, somebody had slapped me silly before the race even started and told me I had no business in trying to hurdle. It is one that still embarrasses me to this day.

Next week's topic - My personal philosophy. Share with us your philosophy on anything - life, raising children, marriage, you name it! What is your philosophy?! Please leave your link below if you participated this week!

My Life Monday - The Me not many people know

Although I assigned this topic and had time to do it yesterday, it's been a hard topic to complete. I feel I show all sides to myself on here for the most part, so I wonder, what part can I share with you that may be different and unique. I'm actually hoping in the process of typing, I'll come up with something new!

I often feel there are two parts of me. There is the confident, sure of herself, intelligent, and fun teacher/mom/wife combination. In those capacities of teacher, wife, and mother, I'm pretty sure of myself. I'm confident, vibrant, talkative, and have tons of fun with my students, husband, and son. I think this is who I really am and it's who I want to portray most to other people. This is the way I am at home and at work, as well as on the Internet for the most part.

But with others, especially those I don't know well, I turn insecure and shy. I have a hard time talking and feel socially awkward and unsure of how I come across. For this reason, I feel I don't have many in real life friends and have a hard time making them because I'm sure I come across as an idiot. I have a hard time talking to those I perceive as better than me in some way - prettier, smarter, craftier, more fertile, etc. etc. etc, which is quite a few people. Hence, I find myself feeling shy and alone in groups where I should be comfortable, like church and my neighborhood. Most of my real friends (outside of work friends) are online friends. Is that pathetic of me?

So I guess the side of me that not many people know is the second for the Internet world. I can talk easily on here because hey, I've not met most of you and you don't intimidate me (as much)! But to the real life people, the first side is the one not many people know because the second side dominates. I really want to let the first side show through more, so I am working on that. I don't want to be the socially awkward, insecure person forever. Any tips on how to get over that?

Next week's topic - An Embarrassing experience. Make us laugh! Share some of the embarrassing things that have happened to you!

Also, please share any ideas you have for future topics. I have a few some of you have given me, but I'd love more.

A sense of failure

I started my second round of Clomid since the miscarriage. Sigh. Why does it make me feel like such a failure? Every time I go to pick up my prescription, a feeling of humiliation comes over me. Every time I start taking the pills, the same thing happens. I felt humiliated when I lost my baby too and could hardly talk about it to others because of the huge feeling of failure. I guess it's the reality that my body doesn't work the way it should and that getting pregnant may never be an easy thing. Others do it all the time on their own, but I have to depend on medications to even have a chance to try to get pregnant. I've ovulated twice on my own in the almost seven years I've been married. The rest are all chemical induced ovulations. While I am very grateful there are medications and I don't have to take the super expensive ones, it's a sense of failure each time. It's a feeling of being betrayed by my body.

People tell me if I lose weight, I'll get pregnant easily. After all it happened to them or to somebody they know. I am working on losing weight. I've lost 14 pounds in the past two months and I weigh less now that I did when I got pregnant with Camden. But even then, weight loss doesn't always work. Both times I have ovulated on my own have been right as I start eating well and exercising. But it doesn't continue into the next cycle. It seems to be a one shot deal. I know weight loss will help with fertility, as well as so much psychological crap, but it doesn't mean it will be the cure all. I could lose 40 pounds and still have to take medications, so I hate such generalizations that because I am heavy, that's the reason I can't get pregnant.

I've realized my biggest struggle this time around. I don't doubt this time that I will get pregnant. That was my issue before, but I've now been pregnant twice (even though only one resulted in a baby). My issue is timing. I have an idea in my head how far apart I want my children. Camden is almost 2 and I really wanted my children about two years apart. But I'm realizing that my time frame is not the Lord's time frame. I know I will have more children. That is not a doubt in my mind at all. I'm just frustrated that it is not happening when I want it to. I also realize that as long as I am doing everything I possibly can to try to get pregnant, the rest is in the Lord's hands. He knows the longing of my heart. He knows how much I want this for me, for our family, for Camden. And just like He sent Camden at just the right time, He'll send the next one at just the right time. If I am doing all I can, I have to leave the rest up to him. I know by taking the medications, continuing to lose weight, and timing sex the best we can, that I am doing all I possibly can and trust the Lord will take care of the rest when the time comes. My problem is I am not a patient person. I want things when I want them and I want it now! LOL! I've got to learn to accept a time frame that is not my own.

Before Camden, I looked at those who had one child and complained because they didn't have a second one and I mocked them in my head thinking at least they have one! I always thought if I had one, I would never complain again and I would be completely satisfied. And now I find myself on the other side of wanting a second child so desperately and aching because it isn't happening. I now regret my previous judgments. I'm so grateful I have Camden. He is truly a blessing and light in my life. Every day I delight and take joy in him. He amazes me with everything he does and learns. I look at him in awe, wondering how we created a little person so beautiful, so smart, so funny, and so amazing in so many ways. He is truly a blessing and a miracle. Because he is so incredible to us, we want another. And so we wait, and pray, and trust, and take the medications again, in spite of the sense of failure that comes by having to do so, and hope that this time around, the Lord's timing will match our desire.

My Life Monday - foods

Yeah, I realize I'm a little over a week late. No good excuses, just plain not wanting to blog. :) But here I am today! The topic was - foods you like and dislike.

Foods I love

-Tomatoes! I love tomatoes and Mark thinks I am crazy because of it. Yum! I'll eat them in almost any form. Cam loves them too!

-Broccoli - Again, I love broccoli. It's one of my favorite veggies to eat.

-Wheat toast with butter. There is something very comforting about this. If I am sick, it's often what I want to eat when food starts to sound good again. I also eat this a lot after any sort of surgery or medical procedure. But the bread has to be wheat.

-Cereal. I could live on cereal. I could eat it for every meal for every day. Mark calls cereal my stand-by food because I am always eating it.

-Red grapes. I can eat these almost every day. Yum!

-Chocolate. I really didn't like much chocolate until I got pregnant with Camden. Then I started to crave it and now have a chocolate sweet tooth. But I can still only eat small amounts before I get sick of it.

-Chicken Cordon Bleu. My favorite dinner Mark makes. He does a delicious baked one and I look forward to it.

-Potatoes. I'm an Idaho girl at heart. Potatoes are a love of mine. Baked, mashed, fried, roasted, give me potatoes!

-Cheesecake. My absolute favorite dessert. Especially with a raspberry topping. I am drooling thinking of it.

-Carrots. I eat baby carrots every day for lunch. I never get sick of them.

Foods I hate

-Salad dressing. Out of all the foods I hate, this is at the top of my list. I cannot stand any sort of salad dressing in any form. Ranch, vinaigrette's, oil based, you name it and I hate it. Just the smell makes me gag. When pregnant, salad dressing must be eating in another room because the smell affects me that much. I won't eat any sort of pasta salad either because it usually has a dressing on it. I will not eat anything made with any sort of dressing. They all gag me. What do I eat on a salad then? Lemon juice. Yup, I squirt lemon juice across my salads. Yum!

-Mayonnaise/Miracle Whip. Again, I hate this in any form and will not eat it. Occasionally I add a minute amount to tuna to moisten it, but that's about it.

-Cheese. Ok, I like cheese, but not very much of it. So I like pizza with less cheese. I'll eat it on tacos, pizza, and other things, but not very much of it. I have a hard time making a recipe if it calls for more than a cup of cheese.

-Mushrooms. Ick! Who likes those things?

-Spinach. I try to like it, I really do. But it really is something I have to force myself to eat. I keep thinking that I'll find a good way to cook it, but so far, nothing.

-Ripe bananas. I only like green bananas. Once they turn fully yellow, yuck! Keep them away from me!

-Chicken with a tomato sauce on it. I don't know why I can't stomach that, but I can't. It just seems wrong to me.

-Any sort of spongy egg dish like quiche or souffle. I can't stand the texture!

So those are a few of my crazy likes and dislikes. If you have already completed this, please leave your link below. If you haven't, feel free to do so and then come back and link. I look forward to reading your lists! Next week's topic - The me not many people know. Share a side of yourself we may not know already. Also, if you have ideas for MLM topics, please leave them in the comments. I need some more ideas!

It's the thought that counts?

Yesterday I was hanging out with Cam and Mark when there was a knock on the door. We opened it to find my Father in Law bearing a gift for me. We couldn't figure out what this was for and so we asked. FIL said it was for my birthday. Now that's sweet and all, but my birthday isn't until September! And they've always given me the gift then. Mark and I were baffled and couldn't figure out how they got the date wrong this year. We wracked our brains trying to figure out who they might have confused my birth date with. And then it hit me because I can remember useless dates like none other. Mark's ex wife has a birthday in February right around this time. Yup, MIL, in a state of sickness, confused my real birthday with the ex's birthday. It's the thought that counts right?

My Life Monday - Late again

I'm sorry I am late in getting this up. Life has been busy and with a three day weekend, I lose all track of time.

I've had several growing experiences, like most of us. I've talked about some before such as infertility to a degree. Today I want to focus on one as a teenager which shaped much of my religious and personal beliefs and I feel, to a degree, shaped my future.

When a junior in high school, I had two sets of friends. One was my really good LDS friends who shared my same beliefs. The other were good people, but ones who liked to drink and such. I got involved with the second group because my on-again off-again boyfriend of the time liked to party and I wanted to be with him. I felt I was walking the fine line of both groups pretty well.

Although I never drank at parties, I went to drive my friends home safely. And although I was seen at parties, I was sure everybody knew I was still a good girl who lived her religious values.

As time went on, the line between my two lives became blurrier. As a result, I wasn't sure which way to go anymore with my life. I felt I had to make a decision - stay with my friends who were good people, but not living the best lives, or stay with my friends who shared my convictions.

In February of my junior year, something happened which compelled me to make a choice. While out skiing one weekend, a friend of mine was in a skiing accident and lost his life. I had my grandpa die before this, but had never been touched by the death of a peer until this moment. His death made me realize how fragile life can be. I realized I could die at any moment too and I questioned what sort of life, and person, I wanted to be. What kind of legacy did I want to leave behind? What kind of person did I want to be remebered as?

I decided I had to cut it off with my partying friends. While good people, that was not the lifestyle I wanted for myself. No matter how many times I told myself I was being a good friend by driving them home or that it didn't rub off on me, I wasn't being true to myself and what I held dear. I wanted to be known as a person of strong beliefs, who stands up for those beliefs. So I stopped spending time with those friends in order to become the person I wanted to be.

It was a very hard thing to do. My LDS friends welcomed me back with open arms, but there were a lot of shadows of doubt. My old friends couldn't understand my reasoning. And I had a hard time breaking away from the on-again, off-again boyfriend.

It took a year to recover from the choices I made, to recover my image, and the trust of many people. I still miss those old friends and wonder if I handled it in the right way. They were good people, but not the kind of life I wanted to live. I often think of those friends and would like to explain myself to them now when maybe we could see more clearly the reasons.

This experience was growing in that after this, I always chose friends who believed what I did and encouraged me to be a better person. I never again questioned my religious convictions (well, up to the infertility I should say, which questioned them in a different way). It really shaped my future and I believe my life has been forever changed by that decision all those years ago.

Share your link below if you participated, even if it's late. Next week's topic (and I will be on time with it) - Food likes and dislikes. I want to hear about all the strange things you either really love or really hate.

The artist formerly known as Mom

I take great pride in the fact that the first word Camden said was "Ma." It should have been his first word, considering how I drilled it into his tiny baby head. While Dad was naively at work, I was at home saying the word "Momma" over and over again hoping Cam would pick up on it. After all, wasn't it my right to have that be his first word after carrying him in my body for 9 months and for then spending an hour and a half trying to push his huge noggin out? I was well rewarded for all my efforts as "Ma" was his first word, which gradually evolved into "Momma."

It caused no small amount of distress for Mark that Camden didn't say "Dada" for the longest time. Camden would call my parental name again and again, but Daddy was left out in the cold. Feeling sorry for poor Mark, I worked on getting Camden to say "Dada." After a few months, he decided to add that to his vocabulary as well and life was good. Although Camden didn't call us by name often, the fact that he could call both of us by a proper name was a time of rejoicing for us.

Over the past few months, Camden has had a HUGE language explosion in both sign and speaking. And I was thrilled when somewhere along the line he learned to sign Mom and Dad, as well as say those words. But I've noticed over the past few weeks that something got lost. Apparently, Camden decided it was too much effort to call both of his parents by a separate name. Why have two names when one was good enough? It was just too much extra effort to keep two names for such seemingly interchangeable people. And can you guess which name he decided to drop? Yup, the one near and dear to my heart - "Momma."

I'm not sure when it happened, but I've noticed over the past few weeks that he says and signs "Daddy" repeatedly. Yes, he's even upgraded to the word "Daddy" for this. He does it when Mark is at work, when Mark is at home, when we're all together as a family. And at first I thought he was just stuck on Dad, which is ok. But then I realized he was using it to refer to both of us. I come out to pick him up from day care? He signs and yells "Daddy." He comes to see me at work? "Daddy" again. Mark will be at work and Camden will wander around the house shouting "Dad", "Dad", "Dad" until he finds me and then he stops.

Mark's noticed it too. I think he's secretly gloating in it, like I did when Camden first said "Ma," but he pretends to feel badly for me and tries to encourage the use of Mommy. We both try to get Camden to say "Momma" again or to even sign it again, but he just looks at us like we're crazy.

It's getting a little confusing to figure out who Camden wants. Does he want Daddy-Daddy this time around or Mommy-Daddy? He can fall, stand up crying, say "Daddy Daddy" over and over again, but run to me for comfort and reject Mark. We can both be sitting on the couch and Cam will want to play, come up asking for "Daddy", and grab Mark by the hand and reject me. So I'm never quite sure when Mommy-Daddy should come to the rescue, unless of course, Mark is at work. Even then, it could still mean Camden just misses Daddy and really doesn't want me when he's calling Daddy's name.

I hope I get my own name back one day. But until then, you can call me the artist formerly known as "Mom."

My Life Monday - Somebody I love

Maybe I should do something creative for the somebody I love topic, but a cold has set in and my creativity has been sapped. Besides, I love talking about the two big loves of my life - My husband and my son. So what that I've done it before? Today I'll do it in pictures.

This is seriously one of my all time favorite pictures of my boys together. I love the look of tenderness in Mark's eyes and he looks at Cam. I love how much he loves our son. He is an awesome father and husband. I am grateful every day of my life that he is mine.

This just shows the playful nature of my two boys together. Mark will always be the kind willing to lift his child up - either physically for a better look or in so many other ways. He lifts me up to new heights and inspires me to be a better person.

Again, I just love watching Mark with Cam. There is nothing sexier than a good father. And indulging in one of my favorite pastimes of reading. Look at that tender smile!

My two handsome boys! Both so special to me in so many ways. My life would not be complete without them.

I love you both!

Leave your link below and I will check your site out. Next week's topic - A growing experience. Share with us something that helped you grow in your life, whether good or bad.

My Life Monday - Pet Peeves

I'm really looking forward to reading your post today! Pet Peeves can be so funny sometimes. So share and then leave your link below!

#1 - Mispronouncing or misspelling my name. It's Rachelle, pronounced Ra-shell. Not Rachel or Raquel.

#2 - Flyer's and other things left on my car. If you leave it on my car, I can guarantee you are not getting my business.

#3 - Creative spellings for kids or business names. I'm not taking my child to a place called Kiddie Kuts or something else equally ridiculous. And please do not spell a nice name like Emily in this manner - EmmaLeigh.

#4 - Forwarded emails! A simple annoyance, but it drives me crazy, especially if that is all they send. I delete without reading and if that's all a person sends, I block them (like my in laws). If you want to write me a message, great, but please don't just send me one forward after another.

#5 - Lights on when I am trying to sleep. Seriously, I don't sleep well with lights on. Thankfully Mark makes it really dark if he is going to stay up later than me.

#6 - Feeling obligated to answer the phone. I'm not a big phone person. I pick up if I want to talk, otherwise I let the machine get it. Some people get irritated by that because they hear it ringing and I ignore it. I just remind them that just because it rings does not mean I have to answer it.

So those are a few of my pet peeves. Share yours too and leave your link. Next week's topic - Somebody you love. Since it's Valentines next week, highlight somebody you love and care about (doesn't have to be a spouse).